The Weight Of Words

I just read a news story that triggered this blog. I was going back and forth about what to write and thanks to this article I am writing something I haven’t thought through at all. I just read a story about a women in a certain famous family, reality royalty if you will. Like most stories that focus on this woman, it was all about her appearance. It always has been. Based on the comments, tweet snapshots, and the reporter themselves, her ever changing look and filter applications are a hot bed of discussion. Somehow how she looks and has looked makes her responsible to all of us, it is her responsibility to please us. They say she promotes unhealthy and unrealistic beauty standards, now. They used to say her looks needed to be better, her looks weren’t on brand. I look at this and feel nothing but heartbreak for her, and can’t believe the audacity of those criticizing her. The very ones that critique her now are the very ones responsible for this change. For years, more years than I can even count, she has been compared, criticized, and mocked. Never was she good enough, skinny enough, her own parentage was even questioned relentlessly based on opinions of those who don’t know her. Those that felt they knew her based on a show or picture. Hundreds of millions of comments that chipped away for years at the foundation of this beautiful human. Now as the obvious effects are playing out in front of us so many still choose to look and criticize, blatantly looking past their responsibility and shifting it to her. This made me think of our words and the power they hold. These glaring truths popped out at me: 1) our words hold space long after the mood we said them in has left, and 2) you may forget your words once said but those that you said them too will never forget how they made them feel.
We are far too quick to dismiss the power of our tongue and in this day, our fingers. The idea of judgment without consequences is absurd. We may not feel the weight of our words, this is true, but make no mistake, that weight will find its way back to you. I could talk all day about that, about karma, but I’ve already done that. How do we stop this now, how do we change what’s coming back to us before it does?
This is a generational shit fest that is worsening as we go, if you have children you understand what I’m saying. These words, this judgement, it’s killing us. The weight is crushing and we are all blindly walking through the carnage looking for the next target. It seems these days you are either too successful or too lazy, too pretty or too ugly, too skinny or too fat, too real or too fake. Who decides these lines and why did we even draw them anyway? When we are unhappy in anyway, why is our first instinct to lash out, to break down, to destroy? When did we make everyone else responsible for our feelings, our hurts, our wounds? You may not want to admit it but when you look at someone or a social media page and your first instinct is to criticize and judge, the problem isn’t them. It’s you. Your insecurities are being triggered and instead of focusing inward and healing you, we decide to try and destroy them. Making someone smaller will never make us bigger, yet we try anyway.
This is even more true for our children, the generation below us. These kids are dying, literally, because of words. Words said in person, over a screen, and in videos. Words that once out can only be forgiven, never forgotten. Words that work their way into our brains and not only make themselves at home, they instantly start popping out little word babies. How do we change this? How do we change it for them? We just start. The minute we decide to be conscientious of our thoughts and judgments, we can inspire others to do the same. We can’t yell into the noise and expect everyone to change for us or even first. We start and we push, like walking the opposite direction in a packed crowd. It’s hard and difficult, and feels impossible at times, but we keep walking. Eventually others turn and follow, before you know it your at the front end of a new direction. Your job isn’t to stand and ask everyone to turn for you, to make an easy path for you to walk, your job is to create your own way. That is how we change. We scroll past the posts that make us want to be harmful, or better yet what if we choose to see past the projection and aim for the heart. How hard would it be to say a positive and encouraging thing to someone that is struggling? Even if by their own choice. We don’t fight hate and ignorance with more hate and ignorance. We use love. It’s often said but poorly executed. Love always wins- but only if you’re doing what I think you should. What is that? Love is love, that means we love even when they don’t seem to deserve it, want it, or give it. We change them by changing us.
I encourage you to use love. Love for others and love for ourselves. The next time something is triggering you, don’t shift your hate to them. Choose to love. Love yourself, flaws and all and that will flow through to them. When someone is broken remind them they are worth fixing, don’t add to the pieces. When you see injustice or ignorance don’t fight it with the same fire. Send love, let your light act as a beacon to clear the smoke. Most importantly, love our children, all of them. Teach your children to be the example and not the follower. Teach them to love themselves in spite of their flaws and in return they will love others in spite of theirs. We are not meant to be connected to everyone, somethings and some people aren’t meant for us, be we are meant to love it all.
Know the weight of your words and choose the ones that will lift up, not weigh down. It might seem small but great losses start 1lb at a time. Our journeys can not be compared, we learn and grow differently. We are not all “equal,” but we will be. So lend a hand to those behind you, forge a path they can easily follow. Be proud of the ones ahead of you, be grateful for the path they left you. There is no winner in this race, no time limit or places. It doesn’t matter how anyone else gets there, in the end your judgement is how you got there.
Be kind, be loved, be you!