Mirror, Mirror
Mirrors. We know them, use them, and most of the time, hate them. Today I am going to talk about the mirrors we don’t see as clearly but somehow see us shockingly clear. Life mirrors are raw and unforgiving. There is no special lighting, magic angles, or filters to protect us from what they shine back at us. We can try and ignore them, very often we do, but they are stubborn little things and they will come back over and over until we stop and face exactly what they are showing us. I thought I had this part down until I got hit in the face with such a mirror this weekend. So while my message on mirrors and how important they are, especially in this day and age, is still incredibly important and valid- I now get to tell it with a big slice of humble pie smashed all in my face. We live in a world of “Karens,” viral videos, cancel culture, and lines drawn in sand that never needed to be drawn in the first place. In a world when we want to blame and correct everyone else, our mirrors are on the front lines ready to remind us that we are, in fact, the assholes. So with all the humility I can muster, welcome to this mirror.
Cancel culture and the era of viral videos depicting someone during their worst moments is something I will never get behind. I say this often and I absolutely mean it! We are far better than our worst moments, and far less than our best. All of us. This idea that we get to decide who someone is at their core based on a 30 second clip on the internet is insane. Same goes for deciding that based on our glimpse into someone’s political beliefs, parenting choices, their lack or abundance of money, how they behave in a restaurant or even their religious beliefs. I am not saying that people are all good and they don’t deserve some kind of consequence for their actions. I am saying that I am not the one to give it to them or even decide it, and neither are you. Where do mirrors come into play? Well in two ways actually. People are mirrors for us, the things that trigger us the most in others are actually the things we dislike the most about ourselves. Secondly, the way we treat people and the judgments we make, have always and will always, say everything about us and very little about them.
People are mirrors. This was my moment this weekend. I have been struggling the last two weeks with a couple of people in my life. It’s been a real back and forth for me and why I wasn’t moving past it as fast as I would have liked to be, even as fast as I thought I would. It hit me Sunday, I looked at my husband and said, “I figured it out!” Spirit hit me straight in the face with a very big mirror and I did not like what I saw. The very things that were hurting me most from them were the very things I have done to others, including them. I’ve worked hard on letting go of my judgements and condescending views. I always thought I had a right to decide what was right or wrong and if I felt it, I had a right to say it. Wrong! Who the hell am I? My role on this planet isn’t to make sure you are being your best you, its to be my best me. Guess what? Being my best me is not using others misadventures as a shield to hide my own. So while I have worked very hard to be a better me, I am not free of the consequences of my choices. Do I feel hurt and alone in my relationship with them at the moment? Yes. Am I responsible for how they treat me? No. Am I responsible for how I react to how they treat me? Yes! Am I making sense yet? I don’t get to control how others live their lives, what wrongs they commit, or even decide how much of an asshole they get to be. I am in control of how I live, my choices, and how much of an asshole I am. Life is full of ups and downs, we have really great shining moments and we also have really low moments as well, life is a balancing act. I acknowledge my short comings, I know I have work to do. I also know that I am not my mistakes. There are and always will be a reaction for my actions and I own that, but I will always be better than my worst and worst than my best. I cant and wont live in either.
Cancel culture is a huge issue right now. We are so quick to make a judgement, to dish out a punishment that we have no right to dish. I don’t have social media, never have and likely never will. It terrifies me on so many levels. This pandemic and the current fight to change social and racial injustices have really intensified this. It is amazing to me how brutal we can be as a collective. When did we decide that we get to dish out our own justice? When did we decide that a persons worst moment dictates their entire existence? When did we forget that we are one bad day and a perfectly placed camera away from being in the same boat? I often wonder to myself how someone can see a video or a post and instantly decide that they have to say something. That somehow a person with a bad attitude or a bad mouth or even a hateful heart deserves all the hate the world can muster. That you have to say something, to stand up for something. When did screaming into the noise become the new way to handle things? News flash, if this is you, you are the problem. We have forgotten what love is, the reason that we are here. We are here to love, not when its easy or convenient, but always. Especially when its hard. When I see someone acting ignorant or loud, I can tape them, yell at them, leave a comment telling them they deserve all the misery one world can give them. And I have, more than I would like to admit. We all have. Every single one of us. Then I saw my mirror. I saw very clearly how ugly I was in those moments, the moments where I thought I was “standing up” for what’s right, by tearing down someone else. The moments when I thought I had any right to tell someone how to act, live, think, or believe. Just because someone’s errors are different than yours, does not make yours any less. Wrong is wrong. It is as clear as that. It is impossible to live this life cleanly, without error, so not a single one of us gets to decide someone else’s worth. I encourage you to think of that. Think of your worst moments, think of what it would have done to you if they were broadcasted to the world. If your worth got to be decided by complete strangers that had a 30 second glimpse of your life, a glimpse that just happened to be during your worst chapter. How different might your book be? I get to choose who I interact with, who I trust, who I am. I get to decide that, not you. When we decide to put someone in their place, hold a grudge, cancel them, or record and post about them, we are showing the world ugliness. Not theirs, our own. We are putting our mirror out for all to see. There are consequences to our choices, believe me, even when it isn’t instant. Justice is out there, it just isn’t ours to give. I choose to accept that people are worst than their best and far better than their worst. I don’t have to judge you, that isn’t my job. I will love you though, and by doing so I will also love me. If I choose to put out love I will get it reflected back to me, even in moments that I don’t deserve it. Those moment are the most important, aren’t they? In moments when we haven’t been kind to ourselves or others, love is what heals us. It changes how we see the world and how we interact with it. Love tears down walls and disables our defenses. I encourage you to take a look at your mirrors. If you don’t like what is being reflected back at you, change it. Change it by changing you. That’s what will change this world. When we change our own reflection we change what is projected into the world. No judgement needed.