How I feel about feeling everything.
Being an empath is something I have always been, and something I can finally identify. I wasn’t always aware of the why or the how, but I always knew it was there. In this post I hope that by sharing my story I can clear up some misconceptions about empaths, and encourage others to find their own empathy. Most importantly, to all the closeted empaths that have spent their life feeling alone and crazy, this is for you. May you find peace with yourself, purpose in your abilities, and empowerment from these words.
I love being an empath. Now. We have had quite the love hate relationship, my feelings and I. I have been labeled crazy by many people, including myself. I was dramatic, lying, faking, the list goes on. The more I didn’t fit in, the more I resented how I felt. My mother used to joke that I was always going against the crowd. The fish that swam against the school. I used to wear that like a badge of rebellion, but its not. I realize now what a compliment that is and how empowering it can be. Being an empath isn’t easy, you truly do feel everything. When you don’t know how to or even try to understand and control this energy, it will overpower you.
Being an empath is empowering, it just may not always feel that way. When we don’t understand our feelings, no one else can either. We try to explain or label our feelings, to put a human spin on an inhuman ability. This is energy, the very essence of our souls. There is no human way to justify this, why try? It is impossible to not feel crazy as an empath. Imagine reacting to a feeling and not a physical word or action? Crazy, right? Wrong! It isn’t crazy, its real, valid, and important. The goal isn’t to not feel, the goal is to know what to do with those feelings. I’ve spent far too many years hiding how I felt and what I felt. Far too many years trying to justify what I knew. I would be obsessed with proving myself to others. Newsflash, I don’t have to! To get to the empowering I think I have to take a little trip through the humbling.
I had to learn three very important lessons as an empath. One, just because I can feel everything, doesn’t mean I should. Two, Feeling everything doesn’t mean I can control everything. Three, I am not crazy!
Feeling everything is natural as an empath, but just because I can does not give me rights to those emotions. We all broadcast an energy and its ours, its private. Much like someone having an open window, we can see inside and hear what’s said, but does it mean we should? Do we take it as a open invitation to go on their property and peep all up in their business? No! Well at least I hope its no. There are always those ones that will peep away, this goes for every aspect in life, unfortunately. One of the biggest responsibilities in being an empath is integrity. I don’t have rights to your energy without permission. So, much like the open window, I can acknowledge its there and just keep walking. This is one of the hardest lessons because the first part means learning and understanding that the energy isn’t coming from you in the first place. Before we understand and acknowledge our abilities its a mad house in our bodies. We feel emotions that are very, very real but we cant seem to identify the source. This really began during puberty for me. Middle school, need I say more? Imagine feeling everything and having to spend most of your days in a building full of hormonal, pubescent pre-teens. I may hold the world record for sick days in middle school, my parents and school nurse were not amused. I had no clue why I felt like I did. By the time I hit high school I was angry, closed off, and very much not handling my emotions. I couldn’t handle crowds, never had a lot of friends, and was pretty awkward socially. I would get distracted by others energy, which led to me sitting and observing people like some weird creeper. Some people I would be drawn to and others I wanted to avoid at all costs. Once I was finally able to identify what I was and why I felt like I did, the first thing I did was learn to let go of energy that isn’t mine. What a weight off my back!
The second big lesson for me is that feeling everything doesn’t mean I can control everything. Talk about a slap in my own face. One of my biggest mistakes and one I still struggle with, is trying to control the narrative. Making people see what I feel. How rude, right? This is especially true in my family and something I have had to really own and correct. Just because I know the parts of the story that you’re not telling me doesn’t mean I get to dictate how its written. Being an empath is like having backstage passes in a way. You get to see the show but you also get to see all the grit and dirt behind it. The man behind the curtain you could say. I’ve had many times when I knew something wasn’t right or that I was being lied to. Whether this was a personal relationship like family or even in social settings like church, school. and work. The older I got the more I hated feeling crazy, I became a bit obsessive with proving I was right. I got pretty good at proving it too, it did NOT make me feel better. If anything it made me feel worse, and did nothing good for my relationship with said person. It took me a very long time to get to a place where I accepted that knowing doesn’t mean controlling. I am not supposed to tell you how to live, or save you from making mistakes. You have to go through those things. I also don’t have to explain myself to anyone. My feelings help me grow, and they can help you, but only when you ask. That means also accepting that I can share and speak truth as it comes to me but I can not control how its taken, used, or executed. Accepting that I cant and shouldn’t control the narrative is my hardest struggle and most valuable lesson to date.
Crazy! I cant even tell you how many times I felt crazy. Way back in middle school when my fight or flight response was always in high gear, when I couldn’t go a day in school without feeling like my stomach contents were just waiting to expose themselves or my lungs would explode from lack of oxygen. The nurse and my parents would think I was insane! The boy who cried wolf story was an absolute favorite. I wasn’t faking, I just couldn’t explain it. The panic and fear I felt was intensely real and I still remember it today. I would be overwhelmed in crowds and big events and it always came out in odd ways. I would shut down or retreat into myself but later as it all overwhelmed me I would be intensely emotional and to others it seemed to come out of nowhere. Very confusing for all around. I always looked to others for validation for my feelings and it always led to immense disappointment. I had to accept who I was and let go of proving myself to others. The more I do so the less crazy I feel. I’m not crazy, I just feel different. Me, I was the secret to not feeling crazy the whole time.
The common thread for these lessons is, me. See being an empath isn’t a curse or something to be ashamed of. It also isn’t something I have to prove or explain. It just is, I just am. Its humbling, I had to learn that I am my greatest asset but also my worst enemy. I couldn’t blame my actions on anyone else, I had to heal me. That healing doesn’t come from outside validation, acceptance, or even belief. When I know who I am everyone else will to. The day I decided I was going to get out of my own way, stop blocking my own growth, my path forward began. Sometimes our biggest and hardest lessons is realizing and learning that we are in control of our emotions, even the ones we don’t ask for.
Being an empath is also amazingly wonderful. I use it in my mediumship, its one the main ways I bring messages from your loved ones. I feel them, just like I feel you. I love being able to understand the emotion behind an action. To draw joy from those around me and when I cant find it, to give joy instead. I am a healer, all empaths are. That’s a wonderful and empowering feeling. We cant solve every problem and that drives us nuts! But, we can help you accept that sometimes there is no solution. Oddly enough you usually accept that far sooner than we do. Yes I feel everything but it makes me who I am. It may be part of every negative thing about me, but at my core it is the reason I love so intensely and freely. I wouldn’t change that for the world. Every moment, every trauma I experienced getting to this place in my life led me to right here, right now, writing this. I don’t know who you are or how you found this but I know its for you. You’ll know it too. So how do I feel about feeling everything? Everything!
I will always help in any way I can, anyone questioning or developing their intuitions. My intuitive guidance sessions are for moments just like those. Another great part of being an empath is knowing there is room for everyone. Not too long ago and by chance(totally on purpose in the eyes of the Universe), I met another incredibly talented empath. She has an amazing way of making sense of the nonsense and helping women find their immense strength. If you feel connected to anything you read here I hope you head over to her website. You just may end up exactly where you are supposed to be. Cherylbradleycoaching.com