A Thin Line Between Judgement and Acknowledgment.

I grew up in church, judgment was a hot topic. Ironically, it seemed as much as it was preached that we don’t judge, all we actually did was in fact judge. This is my experience anyway. So I find myself wondering these days if I am being judgmental. What is the difference between judging someone or something and acknowledging? This is what I am hoping to tackle here as I write it out. There have been a lot of things that have come to the surface for me and my family this last year and I have had to take a hard look at my reactions and thoughts. Am I proactively acknowledging the scenario and reacting in a way that keeps me feeling happy and safe or am I being judgmental and petty?

So where is this line? I guess to understand that we have to dive deeper into what makes this line necessary in the first place. When someone behaves in a way that doesn’t sit right with us, maybe even hurts us or someone we love, we have a choice, to acknowledge or judge, maybe both. No matter how you slice it though judgment is not yours to carry. Unless you are in fact a judge or jury and then you have a serious job to do. Thankfully in everyday life we have no need to judge. It is such a heavy burden and one that brings us no peace. Not really. I think I had this idea that to not judge I just shouldn’t care about others choices, actions, and the ripple effects that came from them, but I soon realized how utterly unrealistic that is. Of course you’re going to notice the actions of others. You’ll feel as if a decision is right or wrong, you’ll feel like you’re watching a train crash, one you can’t turn away from no matter how hard you try. This is where the acknowledgment comes in. There will be a million things in life you don’t like, can’t agree with, or won’t support. This isn’t judgment, this is just truth.

We are all here to learn lessons, to better ourselves and in the process we help better others. Sometimes we are the hero in the story, sometimes we are the villain, and in those rare instances we get to be both. Whichever role we play is always for the bigger picture, for the lesson. This is where we get stuck in judgment, some lessons are learned quickly, it takes just one look down that path for you to nope right out of there and decide that you don’t need to go any further to know that is not who or where you want to be. Then there are the lessons that gave you all the warnings, every red flag, lots of hell naw moments and yet there you go skipping your happy ass down it anyway. Why? Because some lessons are meant to hurt, to change you or those around you so much that you’ll never be the same. Sometimes a lesson has to be expensive to learn it. Now I know I have had both of these. I have been an amazing person and I have been an awful one. I have made decisions and wrote chapters in my book I would never want another to read. But, that’s just what it is, a chapter. I would never want the sum of my being to be determined by that chapter. I am better than my worst moments and worse than my best and how awful if I had to live up to either. One is unsustainable and the other is soul draining, both would feel hopeless. Judgment does just this, it locks you into a space, a chapter, and doesn’t let you out. Now this doesn’t mean that you are not responsible for your actions in this chapter, it doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences for the decisions that are made, it just means you aren’t meant to be judged by a chapter. This is where acknowledgment comes in.

Acknowledgment, this is the space in which you get to feel what you feel, know what you know, and use it to act accordingly. While we don’t have a right to dictate how a lesson is learned, how fast it is learned, or how cleanly it it executed, we do have a right to decide if this will continue to play a role in our life. Like I said above, there will be many moments that don’t align with you, moments that scream at you to run. So what do you do? You listen. So often judgment comes when we feel like we have to explain or justify our reactions, feel obligated to stay in a situation or relationship, or decide that this is not how we are supposed to be doing something and we must bring them to the light. Know what the common denominator is there? YOU, you know it all wannabe savior. If we just decided that their choices are just that, theirs, then we could move on without having to throw judgment at them. We don’t have to know the why to their choices, have to try and change their path, explain why we hate their choices or why they can’t sit with us. We just decide that a person isn’t going to work for us in the moment, or a situation can’t have our support, but we can also acknowledge that there is a reason behind these actions, a lesson to be learned, no matter how long it takes them. Now it doesn't have to be all or nothing either, there will be times that we love someone, know someone, interact with someone and choose to be part of their book while bypassing a chapter or two. When we are hurt or triggered by a person or situation, own it. How is this going to improve or change you? How can you use this to make you better, and possibly make others better too? When we look at life through the eyes of “this is happening for me and not to me” we don’t feel the need to judge anyone. We will get where we are going regardless, so let them live and in doing so, you let you live.

In short, we have no right to decide someone’s worth in this world based on our scale. While they might not be up to par in your book, you just might not be up to par in theirs. I just can’t help but feel that the world would be a better place if we acknowledged more and judged less.