The Narcissist And The Empath.

A tale as old as time. Empath finds narcissist, narcissist locks on to empath, empath attempts to rescue and fix narcissist, drama and trauma ensues. Fun times all around. Am I right? It’s a vicious cycle, and one that I don’t see changing anytime soon. Not in it’s entirety anyway. Regardless who you are in this little fairytale, you learn from these dynamics. Maybe you grow and heal or maybe you continue on to the next one until you do. Either way, these relationships are like night and day. Can’t have one without the other, can’t appreciate one without first experiencing the other. How do we recognize this? Grow from it? Change our path within these relationships? That’s the juicy stuff right there.

I think one of the first steps is acknowledging who you are, what role you play. Are you the empath? Are you the narcissist? The second one is a bit of a trick question! No narcissist will read this and be like “yup that’s so me, I totally know I’m a narcissist.” Maybe you’re both. A narcissist with empathic tendencies or an empath with narcissistic tendencies. You may stop and say I’m crazy, that those don’t go hand in hand. But, what if they do? How does this happen? Well in my case, I was raised by both. Like I said, a tale as old as time.

So if you’re here you know I’m an empath. Either because you know me or because it’s written on the front page of this website! Either way it’s out there. Here is a vulnerable truth bomb for you. I have moments when the narcissist in me claws it’s way out and has a party. That’s right, I have some pretty impressive narcissistic tendencies. I make a conscious effort every day to use my empath side and keep the narcissist in a pretty little cage. Why don’t I starve her to death? Set her on fire? Banish her to the deepest parts of the universal core? Well, I need her. Like I said earlier, I could never appreciate my empathic side, could never function with humility and integrity, if I didn’t know the other side. Does this hybrid part of me mean I am immune to the whole narcissist/empath dance? Nope, but I wish!
What is a narcissist? Good question. I’m sure you’ve all met one and loved one before, maybe you do now. Maybe, you are the narcissist. Who knows? But, let’s talk it out. A narcissist(or someone with narcissistic tendencies) is someone that is always right, takes no responsibility for their actions, and if there is a victim- it must always be them. They have superficial relationships and will be dependent yet unattached all at the same time. Most simply, a narcissist(or someone exhibiting narcissistic tendencies) lacks empathy. Hence the need for an empath. Now I don’t say any of this in judgement, It’s just facts. I’ll have to make part two of this blog all about defense mechanisms of the narcissist. The empath as well. Today we will stick to what they are.

Let’s talk about empaths now. There has been lots of questions about empaths and how they come about. Are there natural born empaths? Are they created? Both? I wasn’t always so clear on this. Or not as clear as I think I am now. I think empaths are created. The environment in which they are raised plays a definitive role in who they become. Someone that is connected to their intuition strongly, like psychic mediums, will use their reading abilities mixed with the empathy to see past the surface and feel what’s truly there. I think I figured out the whole empaths are made thing when I realized it’s a defense mechanism. I won’t go to far into it because, you know, part 2. But, if you walk into a room full of happy people and instantaneously notice or are drawn to the one person that is off, that’s your clue. The one person sad, mad, creepy, whatever. You find them. You find them and you plan or you fix, or you try to do both. This is from years and years of trauma that made you walk on eggshells because your emotions were never as important as theirs. A proactive attempt of control because the fallout of a narcissistic tantrum is devastating. Having empathy is crucial, being an empath is amazing, learning the proper way to execute those two things is hard. Our empathy isn’t a defense mechanism, or it isn’t meant to be I should say. It’s a vital tool in our development, it allows us to grow and learn with love and compassion. The number one recipient of our empathy is meant to be us. We are meant to use our ability to feel to keep our path aligned and our head clear. To be in touch with our needs and allow us to treat ourselves with grace. By doing so we will automatically extend that to others. It’s meant to shine out of us and light the path, it is not meant to be the fire in which others stay warm and complacent. Empaths feel, they are energetically in tune with the universe around them. If the energy is heavy, so are they. If the energy is light, they go look for the heavy. Sorry, had to throw that in there. If I can mention all the negative of a narcissist, I gotta call out the empaths too. If used correctly empathic abilities are healing and helpful. If not, the damage can and will be just as devastating as the narcissists.
Narcissistic disorders are mental health issues. These disorders can be diagnosed and even treated. IF they are diagnosed, often they aren’t. Again, narcissists have a high sense of self, not many are freely walking into counseling. Does this mean they can’t change? No. I’ve seen it. If the narcissist chooses to heal their traumas, decides to go back to childhood and face some hard shit, do some hard work, they can absolutely place their little monster in a pretty little cage. Can an empath change? Stop being a victim of the narcissist or maybe become one themselves? Sure, seen that happen too. You never know what triggers one will face or what catastrophic event could take place and just knock someone right on the ass. Again, the cure? Healing. Facing the hard things and choosing to heal and grow. Neither one of these is easy. Not one person wants to be the extreme of either role. It used to be so easy to put people into categories. Like narcissist and empath. But if you look close enough, follow the path they’ve forged, and you will find they come from the same place. The same water that makes pasta soft, hardens the egg. Empaths aren’t always these enlightened beings that sit in love and light and perfect harmony. Narcissists aren’t always soulless monsters that aim to destroy and diminish. Some are the egg, and some are the pasta. It’s their reaction to their environment. Either way, the water is hot, and the trauma is real.
The narcissist will always need the empath and the empath will always need the narcissist. One isn’t meant to fix or change the other, we are meant to stop the cycle of abuse. How? By healing ourself! When the empath becomes empowered and turns their ability inward and identifies their trauma, they break the cycle a little. When the narcissist turns their anger inward and illuminates their triggers, they break the cycle a little. The narcissist needs the empath so they can feel, the empath needs the narcissist so they can see. No mud, no lotus. No pain, no joy. You can’t have one without the other. It is a tale as old as time, it’s up to us to tell the story correctly.
Before part two finds its way to this blog, I ask that you think of your role. Who are you? Are you the egg or the pasta? Both? Egg noodles if you will. Who do you want to be? The choice is yours but so is the work. Are you ready for it?