Welcome to my hot mess
This blog has been the worst! Up until this moment, every Monday with out fail, Spirit has guided me on exactly what to write. I never plan them and honestly most are last minute. When I sit, the words just spill out of me. Which brings us to today and I have nothing! I have typed, erased, and typed again about a thousand times. I even got about a paragraph in and my computer shut down. W. T. F. I said those words out loud and with even more gusto than capital letters can portray and added with it, “what is wrong with me?!” I sat here ready to quit and just let this Monday go by with no blog when it hit me. ME. I am the problem. I am trying to control the narrative and continue with what has been my normal and Spirit is telling me to throw it all away and just type. This week is a busy one for me. I have my readings, weekly Clubhouse session with Cheryl(if you have clubhouse, join us! Wed. 12pm PST. It’s fun!), and normal Mom to two kids in distance learning stuff. I am also neutering my dog(which my kids think is awful and ask me daily why I am a monster), my sister is having surgery, and I have my first live Zoom event. My brain is in overdrive. So I sat here trying to write a put together blog about put together shit and I got a big slap in the face from Spirit. If I preach authenticity, I better show authenticity. So, welcome to my hot mess!
So often we forget that life isn’t a perfect Instagram post. We aren’t our carefully thought out bios or the title behind our name. We are humans, messy and crazy humans. We don’t have to have it all together all the time. There is no perfect roadmap for this life. I talk about lessons all the time, I mean ALL the time. Here I am smack dab in the middle of one and I wanted to sit here and punch out an easy breezy encouraging blog. Well, I still hope to nail the encouraging part but with a little less finesse. I can be dealing with all the above listed things and still be a badass. As a matter of a fact, I am a badass! I am sitting here typing in yoga pants and a messy bun, eating a reheated tamale, and hollering at my kids to start their homework. And you know what? I am crushing it! Because in the end, I did it. Sometimes it isn’t about how quickly or smoothly we get through our journey, sometimes we quite literally trip our way through it. In the end, we did it. That’s what matters.
This is exactly what I mean when I say enjoy the journey. Sometimes life is hectic, or scary, or uncertain. Sometimes we know exactly how to write our stories and sometimes the words are nowhere to be found. Stop and breathe, remember who you are and where you are. The words to your story will come to you. Sometimes it means admitting that you are scared, lonely, angry, lost. These words don’t define you, they are a moment in time, a description of your mess. The minute I stopped and gave life to my feelings, is the minute the story began again. Living this life fully isn’t the absence of these feelings, its the faith that we have exactly what we need to overcome them. The minute I said I have nothing to write, I was reminded that I did. This weeks blog isn’t incredibly deep or well thought out, its a jumble of words with a point floating somewhere in them. For me the point is that this week I am disheveled, and nervous. Scared and overwhelmed. One giant beautiful disaster. Its never easy coming out of our comfort zones, facing our fears, or doing something we know will hurt before it heals, but do it we must. Its ok to have a little fear or even some failure, but never doubt that you are fully equipped to handle this life. Even in the darkest or messiest times you are absolutely killing it.
So this week I just want to tell you that you’re a badass. Whether you are put together and crushing it, or a hot mess and faceplanting your way through, you’ve got this! Own your story, be authentically you, and never for one minute forget that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be!