So Much More Than A Slap

Last night I sat watching the Oscars, they roped me in with the promo’s for the first live performance of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno.” I am a sucker for some Encanto songs. Instead I got a snippet of the song and a full on view of the slap heard round the world. The internet blew up immediately and since I don’t have social media, my information came from news sources. I am beyond shocked at some of the reactions to last night. While I almost never speak on current events, this event speaks of such a bigger issue. One I feel is worth exploring. I don’t know if you watched the show live or if you are one of the ones that saw it via social media, but either way it was shocking. So let’s break this down and dive right into the bigger problem that this represents.

The Oscars are almost always hosted by comedians and roasting those in attendance is the norm. Now, I am not a fan of roasting in any capacity, it's just unnecessary in so many ways, but that is neither here nor there. This show was full of jokes- some harsh, some funny. Since I watched the event unfold live I have to say, the reaction shocked me. The joke in question compared Jada to GI Jane, it was mild as jokes go and one I never thought would incite a reaction like it did. Again, I don't have social media and I don’t follow celebrities outside of a few news headlines, so I was unaware of Jada having alopecia, I understand that adding this information makes the joke more offensive than normal. I don’t know if Chris Rock is aware of her condition or not, either way what Will did was uncalled for in a million ways. When I watched this happen I did not laugh, I felt sick to my stomach. I could feel how utterly shocked Chris Rock was. How uncomfortable and confused the room was. Instantaneously people with no claim in this game had to choose sides. What started as a united celebration became team Will and team Chris, a line was drawn where one didn’t need to exist.

I will say this and will expand further, your reaction to this has nothing to do with Will or Chris, doesn’t speak of your love of family or dislike of comedians, but it does absolutely say everything about who you are as a person.

The entire vibe of the night changed immediately. A couple that made it a point to call out the Oscars for poor representation and diversity, just tainted all the amazing work, diversity, and representation that was front and center last night. I actually applaud Chris Rock for his reaction. While he was stunned and you could see this in the rest of his presentation, he kept it going. The award he presented was a great one and the documentary that won deserved so much more attention. Instead of everyone listening to Quest Love and his speech, they were on the internet looking for reactions or posting reactions to what just happened. This is a perfect example of how our words and actions do not affect only us. What could have been and should have been handled later and with words and positive action, spiraled into an event that did and remains to take away from everything that night meant for so many. All that representation, for the deaf and hard of hearing, LGBTQ, people of color, and women in under recognized roles, it is all lost in the noise. That alone is sad.

Defending your family. This is the reason people seem to be supporting this slap. Now, let me tell you, I can be a mama bear and I pride myself in being loyal and true to my family, I will defend them till my last breath, but not like this. I raise two teenagers, if you don’t think I have had to hear some horrible things said to them or about them, you couldn’t be more wrong. If I decided to slap everyone that disrespected them, I would have no time and when I do, it would be because I am in prison. I am a psychic medium that comes from a very religious family, if my husband slapped someone every time they chose to disrespect me because of who I am, he would get nothing else done. Do you see where I am going with this? I defend my children, my husband, my family, but I do so in action and not the action of violence. I teach them how to be bigger than someones words or actions. I teach them to fight back by being everything that those bullies aren’t. My husband has my back no question, he defends me by standing beside me and never waivers. If someone made a joke at my expense that was offensive I know he would have my back, yet I would never condone him slapping someone like that. Defense isn’t even a good word to use. I know who I am, I teach my children to know who they are. I have nothing to defend. Your words will never speak louder than my actions. So the way we defend each other is by encouraging each other to be exactly who we are, owning every part of ourselves. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Our defense is letting your words be your weight, not ours. This is what happened last night. Will’s actions became louder than Chris’ words. If you are offended by the joke, don’t laugh. If you are hurt, stand tall. Will’s speech would have been a perfect time to defend his wife, truly and with merit. He could have easily released the weight of the joke by taking the power from the words, a perfect time to shed light on alopecia and why the joke was unnecessary, by doing so you let Chris Rock carry the weight of his words and you continue living your best life. Words have weight but they are not bullets. You cannot control what others say and do but you always get to control how you react to it. There is so much more to Will’s reaction than that joke, that reaction was coming from a place so much bigger than Chris Rock at the Oscars. Yet, Chris Rock and the Oscars have to carry the weight of that reaction. Will took his weight, whatever that may be in relation to his wife and just unfairly gave it to others that had no claim to it. This is the bigger problem I am speaking of. We are living in a society where we keep giving our weight to others instead of dealing with it ourselves. If you are in support of this event, it is time to check yourself, your narcissism is showing.

We all face different situations, what may be a mountain to us, is a mole hill to others. When faced with the mountain we get to decide how to proceed. Do we climb and accept the work that is ahead of us or do we lash out at everyone in our way? Do we get angry when we perceive their mountain to be a mole hill? What a vicious cycle that would be. When we choose not to own our feelings, reactions, and actions, instead putting the blame on others, that is incredibly toxic and narcissistic. That doesn’t mean that I am saying you are a narcissist, there is much more that goes into that, but we all have those tendencies within us. I watched Will’s speech and semi apology, in this speech he was both the hero and the victim. The devil was coming for him at the same time God was calling him. The good part of his reaction was all him and God, the bad part was the devil that taunted him. In this there is no accountability. His actions were wrong, period. We have no right to physically assault someone that isn’t physically assaulting us or someone we love. Physical self defense must be in response to a physical offense. There was no control in his outburst and that is completely on him. How do we live in a society that calls for every one else’s accountability while taking none of our own? We will always have a circumstance, hard moments in life that weigh us down, if we choose to make our inability to process someone else’s responsibility, we are the problem. The relief of throwing your weight on someone else is temporary, and their reaction to it will never belong to you, but that weight will always find its way back. It will also feel twice as heavy. So you can keep throwing it if you choose but one day that weight will crush you, throwing it will no longer be an option. You will drown in it, and removing it becomes a process that not only you, but all those close to you will feel. What happened last night is a perfect example. I watched Will Smith laugh at the joke until he noticed his wife was angry at it. I saw it with my own eyes, he went from laughing to slapping in seconds. 0-100 just like that. The joke wasn’t the problem, his wife’s reaction was. Now in no way am I saying he should not have addressed the issue, but in the middle of an event that was about so much more than your wife is not the time. When we let our feelings, pain, or anger, become bigger than the collective, the problem is us. We have no right to make our feelings become the weight of others.

Last night wasn’t about the right or wrong of defending our family. It wasn’t about a joke or alopecia. It was about a man who let his reaction be bigger than the action. It was about intimidation and lack of control. It was about him and nothing and no one else. He wasn’t respecting his wife by doing what he did, he did disrespect every person in that room however. There will be many things in this life we don’t like, agree with, or condone. Our job is not to police everyone else, it is to choose our actions. We get to live our life as we choose, if you see injustice, be part of the solution, and that solution is within our own ACTIONS, not our REACTIONS. When we choose to justify our reactions by others actions we are missing the whole point. We could change the whole world but if we never change ourselves we have accomplished absolutely nothing. This life is yours, your lessons, your wins, don’t miss out on all that is waiting for you by being stuck in someone else’s story. We are here to grow in love, not stand still in hate. Whatever you are going through, go through it. If you are triggered, angered, or hurt by someone else’s words or actions, figure out why. Heal that wound and let the weight of it be their problem and no longer yours. We don’t win by slapping our way through it, we don’t silence the hate by screaming into the noise. Stand tall for yourself and your family, teach them to do the same. Let your action for yourself be louder than any action attempted against you. There is no justification for last nights action, if you have done the same or worse, there is no justification there either. We can call out others actions till we are blue in the face, but the only thing that truly matters is our reaction. Be part of the solution, don’t add to the noise. When faced with others hate let your love be louder. Love for yourself, and love for them. Just love, unconditional and free flowing.