Emotional abuse

Well this is going to be one of those fun topics. I’ve had this come up so much for me lately. It got me thinking, are we aware of what this looks like? Are we aware of when it’s done to us? Aware of when we do it to others? I’ve written about the weight of our words, but not so much in the context of abuse. Physical abuse is easy to identify, the signs are more telling, less subtle. Emotional abuse is more ninja like, most of the time we don’t realize it’s happening until it’s completely decimated us.
Emotional abuse comes in so many forms, different intensity levels, and for different reasons, the one thing that remains the same is the utter devastation and weight it comes with. I think people connect this abuse with relationships. People you know and have a connection with. I mean any Google result after searching “Karen freak outs” proves this untrue. Emotional abuse comes from loved ones and strangers alike. Happens once or recurrently. One thing for sure, it needs to be acknowledged and discussed. It needs to be changed! We do not have the right to berate anyone. Not those whose opinions differ from us, not those that make us angry, and not those that we love. Words should never be a weapon. We are all guilty of it too, I know I am. I’m trying to be conscious of it but I don’t know that there is a parent or spouse alive that hasn’t snapped off and laid out some harsh words. If you exist, more power to you, tell me how you do it! I don’t think eliminating emotional abuse all together is very realistic, damaging words have existed since the beginning of time. But, we can be more aware and reactive. The minute those words start flying you can 1) see it through, I mean why stop once you get started? Or 2) catch ourselves at whatever point it clicks in our brain and fricken stop. Full stop. Being right isn’t always most important.
I find anger tends to bring these actions of abuse to the surface. As if our pain has to become someone else’s. We can be hurt, disappointed, betrayed, and not have to abuse someone in return. When we get defensive, we abuse. It’s like we have to prove our side by any means necessary. I forget sometimes the weight of words, until I’m smacked in the face with them. Until something happens that has me feeling insecure, unsure, slightly crazy, and completely lost. We all have weaknesses, every single one of us. When we know those weaknesses it isn’t meant to be used as a weapon. We are not free from our own so how dare we use others low points as a way to harm and belittle them? When we disagree with someone we don’t have to make fun or degrade them. This is abuse. Do you know how many memes and posts there are just mocking people? Most often, they are doing the very thing we are accusing the other of doing. The whole eye for and eye mentality, it’s abuse.
When we shut someone down in favor of our wants and needs, that’s abuse. I’m not saying you have to bend or change to accommodate anyone but acknowledging others feelings is just as important as acknowledging your own. Those don’t always line up, it doesn’t always feel good, but they are just as valid. When we diminish someone, try to change them, blame them for our actions or reactions, and manipulate their feelings, this is abuse. There is so much emotional abuse out there, it’s scary. The comments left on posts and videos, the “trolls”, the politics, the science wars, the health wars, the religious wars, we are spending so much time tearing each other apart that our reason for engaging in the first place gets so lost nothing will ever bring it back.
We are heading into a very scary time, division is imminent. We get to choose what side of this we want to be on. This doesn’t mean we have to be on the side that believes just as we do, it means we have to be on the side that believes love will always overcome every form of hate. I don’t have to live like you, believe like you, or speak like you, but I can and will love you for you. Your judgment isn’t with me anyhow. I can’t help but be all in my feels about this these days. If I have diminished you in anyway, I am truly sorry. I’m aware and working to be better. Even if you’re not my people, I love you and respect you for just who you are. It is more than enough. Please choose your words, love through the hurt, and choose not to fight fire with fire.