Know Your Worth!

I’ve had this topic come up in my life a few times this last week. In my own journey and in ones of those around me. I’ve said this many times before and I’ll keep saying it until it sinks all the way in. With me, with you. We are not meant to be uncomfortable so that someone else may stay comfortable!
This idea seems foreign to so many. Why? Because we are conditioned from childhood that our emotions, our boundaries, are not as important as the ones around us. You don’t like the bulb onions in grandmas stew? Too bad, eat it! You don’t like uncle creepy’s house? Oh well, he is family, be nice. You don’t want to wear this dress, watch this show, share with this stranger? That’s bad! You don’t like sitting on Santa’s lap? Oh well I want a picture! Do you see the pattern here? We are told over and over that how we feel is not as important as what others want or what is expected of us. How does this translate into adulthood? A whole mess of problems, that’s how.
When we reach adulthood and can finally make our own decisions, the time we’ve been waiting forever for, all of a sudden the brain washing of our entire childhood comes popping up like a deranged Jack in the box. Especially if you had a narcissistic parent, or two. Then your feelings really mean nothing, validation is such a foreign concept you wouldn’t know it if it bit you in the ass. This creeps up in our relationships, friendships, and work life. We will throw everything we have into one or all of these areas until they bleed us dry. Then we hit our breaking point and have a complete meltdown. Does it make us feel better? Nope. We just feel empty, like we always do. We second guess ourselves, we over react in one second after under reacting for a million. We often carry the blame when it comes to the ending, usually because we refused to create boundaries from the beginning.
One of the biggest lessons I had to learn, over and over it seemed, was with my friendships. I would give and give and when I wasn’t getting what I needed in return, I would stuff. I didn’t ever want to advocate for what I wanted, for my boundaries, for my feelings. I just expected people to get it on there own. They didn’t. Then came the straw that broke my back and before you know it, I was crazy lady word vomiting everything I had stuffed, all over this friendship. Finally I had to face the truth. Was it their fault for mistreating me, or mine for letting them?

We don’t have to keep this pattern up. We don’t owe anyone anything in this life outside of love and acceptance. So many times that means acceptance of who they are, not who we want them to be. The same goes in reverse, we deserve to be who we are, not who we think people want us to be. We can create our own rules and do so without defensiveness, anger, or justification. When we are mistreated, used, or abused, we can stand up and say enough. We don’t have to fear losing. Losing a friend, lover, or job. Our needs are never less important than those around us. Just because someone around us has the gusto to demand what they want, act how they want, or expect more than they should, doesn’t mean we have to give it to them. We can have just the same gusto and say no thanks. Not everyone and everything is meant for us. If it doesn’t fit we aren’t supposed to make it. Much like Cinderella and her crazy ass stepsisters, they couldn’t make the shoe fit no matter how they tried and really they just looked sad in the process. Don’t be an ugly stepsister, be your own Cinderella. Your shoe will fit, let the rest go. Your comfort is just as important as theirs. You have every right to stand up for your rights, beliefs, and wants. That doesn’t mean everyone will give them to you, or that they even have to, sometimes it means knowing when to walk away.
At some point the excuses have to stop. The blame has to stop. The guilt has to stop. You deserve to live your best life. YOUR best life, not someone else’s. Stand up for the injustices that plague you, and by doing so you stand up for the people that follow you. Most importantly, take responsibility. When life feels unfair, or you feel used and abused, take a look around. Ask yourself, are they to blame for mistreating me or am I to blame for letting them?
Know your worth and everyone else will too. 💜