Home Is Where I’m With you

Home. There are so many viewpoints of home. Where it is, what it looks like, what it’s filled with. I have always had a bit of a different viewpoint on home. A bit of a Gypsy if you will. My roots never seem to be in the ground, not in the same way as others anyway. My home is my family, my husband and my kids. My extended family and my friends are very important to me, but they are not my home. My life starts with us four and ripples out from there. My foundation is them and wherever they are, I am home. That was never more apparent then our most recent decision. Man, do I have a story for you. This will show the accumulation of all I’ve been writing about. I spend every Monday writing out a blog and here is how those blogs came to action.

Last week was so busy for me and no one knew why, I think I drove many people crazy. So what was it that was going on? Well, I moved. Not just a different home, a whole different state! Here is the kicker, we told no one. This decision was made by us and us alone. No outside opinions, no questions, and no judgment. We jumped and in a huge way. It’s funny, I have never felt more certain about what others will say is uncertain, in my life. The amount of faith that this move took is huge. It was my husband and I truly trusting where the universe was sending us and not allowing our own fears and questions to get in the way. For the few family members that now know, the surprise was confusing, I can understand that though. I mean who just moves states and says nothing?! I do, apparently. The one thing that is hard to explain to most is that this had nothing to do with being secretive or trying to surprise people(fun side effect though). This had everything to do with us. For the first time in my whole adult life I feel like I am exactly where I am meant to be, doing exactly what I am meant to do, and feel so secure even though I have no concrete plan. Well maybe not no plan, my plan is to have faith. Faith in me, faith in my family, and faith in God.

I am living in a place where I swore I would never live again. I said this maybe two months ago. I was adamant of where I wouldn’t be. So what happened? God laughed straight in my face and told me to just watch, that’s what happened. Here is the crazy thing, I feel incredibly right with it all. The second I stopped trying to control the narrative a whole new story opened up for me. I didn’t go back, I always said “I wont go back,” and I meant it. I just didn’t know at first exactly what that meant. I always thought I wouldn’t live there again. Arizona was a place of pain and drama and what seemed like dead ends. So how did I end up here? I don’t know exactly, Somehow I just knew this was where I am meant to be. I didn’t go back though. Who I am today is not the person that left here before. I have no intention of changing that. Whatever I am meant to do here, leaving was vital to prepare me to be able to do so. So, yes I am here again, but not back. Never back. This decision was so simply easy to make and it was 100% ours.

Many times I have made moves to try and change something that was inside me and had nothing to do with the place. The place was just an easy scapegoat for me to use, a nice way to try and avoid the real problem, me. So many times I would leave a place and have a list of reasons to justify that move. Plain and simple, I was running. This time I left with no list, no justification, just a knowing it was time and an immense gratefulness for my time there. It was incredibly freeing to be able to move forward and do so without trying to hate where I am coming from. I am incredibly grateful for it all, the great parts AND the bad. They all taught me so much and led me to this moment right here. We get so caught up in trying to plan for the sure thing or create blame when it seems to go wrong that we miss the lessons. We miss exactly why the universe put us there in the first place. This is where I am supposed to be. I don’t know for how long or even exactly why, but I do know I am finally equipped to do what I was meant to in the first place. Same for my husband. The universe has this really great way of putting us in the same situations over and over until we finally get it right.

So here it all is in action. I’ve learned to face and appreciate my mirrors, learned to jump and have faith, and learned that I have everything I need, I am abundantly equipped. To most it may look like we jumped and are rapidly free falling towards what can only be a very ugly crash, to me I feel like I am soaring. Its peaceful, beautiful, and exhilarating. For all that had to deal with my unavailability this last week, thank you! To all those that are learning of this just now, welcome to my story. I am incredibly appreciative of you all and it is with thanks to you that I get to fully live my truth. Life is scary at times and many people wont understand your journey, I hope that doesn’t stop you. I hope you jump, I cant wait to see you soar.